Golf Tenerife

An insight of what its like to live and golf in Tenerife

Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

The Game we play It’s Called Golf

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  • In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
  • The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.
  • Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!
  • Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
  • The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
  • There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly … or start cheating.
  • An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice … once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.
  • Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.
  • Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
  • Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments.
  • There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
  • Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.
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Just to Brighten up one’s day !

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“I play golf in the low eighties,” I was telling one of the youngsters at the club yesterday.

“Wow,” said the young man, “that’s pretty impressive.”

“Not really,” I said, “Any hotter and I’d probably have a stroke.”

Happy New year from Wifie and I….

A Must Read Scottish New Year story

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A Scottish man living in Tenerife calls his son in Edinburgh the day before New Year and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; twenty six years of misery is enough.”  ‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.  “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says.  “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Aberdeen and tell her.”

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”  She calls Tenerife immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced.  Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wifie. ‘Sorted! They’re coming for New Year – and they’re paying their own way.’

Happy New Year to all my Readers…..